Lies my parents told me....

We all had one. Something our parents did or said that we swore if we were ever to have children, we would never do. Mine was the classic: "because I said so." In my mind, this translated to: "I can't be bothered," and it frustrated me so much that I decided I would never use it. If I have the words to explain my actions to the boys, I will use them. If I don't, I will find some. I sense this will get harder as they get older.

Another one was the whole "If you don't stop hitting/yelling/squirming/

biting ect, I will stop this car, and you can get out and walk!" thing. Not a fan.

I decided that I would not lie to my children.

Now, I'm not saying that I'll never lie to them. I'll lie to protect them, If I have to. I just wont lie for convenience. Sounds kinda easy right? Most people don't intentionally lie to their children.

This means tantrums are unavoidable (but since I believe they are necessary for learning to cope with frustration and anger, I don't mind that much).

Connah: "Can I have some candy?"
Me: "Not right now. You can have some candy after dinner."
Connah: "No. Right now."
Me: "Not right now, after dinner."
Connah: "RIGHT NOW! RIGHT NOW! RIGHT NOW!" Tantrum ensues.
Why don't I just say we don't have any candy? Oh that's right, I can't lie.

Me: "Connah, you need to come inside so we can go to Gran's house."
Connah: "Two minutes."
Me: "No, right now, we're late and you need to put your boots on."
Connah: "Later."
Me: "Right now please."
Connah: "TWO MINUTES! TWO MINUTES! TWO MINUTES!." Tantrum ensues.
Why don't I tell him that if he does not come inside, he won't be going to grans house? Because I have to work, and have no intention of leaving him home alone. That would constitute a lie.

Why am I doing this? It is exhausting, especially when I can see the storm building in Connah, and know I could end it all right then with one little lie, but I want my boys to trust me. And I believe that when you're caught out in a lie (such as the famous "Get out and walk" lie... I mean seriously, how many of us where actually left in the middle of nowhere?) It eats away at the trust, and therefore the respect. Am I making things harder for myself? Absolutely. Will I be able to hold on to this faith and resolution during the teenage years? I hope so.

For now, my difficulty in finding the right words sometimes, and the time spent explaining things, and listening to tantrums seems totally worth it.

You see, I am not trying to raise good kids, I am trying to raise good men.

xox

P.S Also, I think death might have been a lot harder for Connah to have had to deal with when he got older, if I'd hidden it from him while he's young:

Me: "Harry died"
Connah: "No mummy, she's just having a sleep, see? her eyes are closed."
Me: "No, Connah, Harry is dead now, so she won't be waking up."
Connah: "We'll have to put her in the rubbish now."
Me: "No, we'll bury her in the garden."
Connah: "Can I dig a hole?"
Me: "Yes"
Connah: "Ok. Got any ice-cream mummy?"

xox