Pacify Me...

My baby had a pacifier.

And now that everyone has their judgey pants on, we will begin:

Connah didn't have a pacifier.  I tried a few times during a three day standoff where he refused to sleep any longer than 10 minutes at a time, but he didn't seem interested, and I didn't push it because by that stage I was a little bit convinced that he was a demon-baby that would grow some teeth and chomp off my hand if I pissed him off too much.  Sleep deprivation is nifty.

When The Attack was born I didn't hold out much hope that he would take one either, and when you're surrounded at every turn by people disapprovingly shaking their heads at toddlers with pacifiers at supermarkets / playgrounds / restaurants ect  you don't really want to join that club anyway, so all was well in the pacifier-free land of newborn.  

For about a week.  Then the absence of sleep slowly started it's power struggle for my sanity, and I halfheartedly waved a pacifier in the general direction of my child with the thought that maybe I could sleep for the few minutes it would take him to figure out that it wasn't actually food before he started screeching.

He slept.

The Attack took to his pacifier like he had been born with it.  He has slept with it every night since then.

For the first two years, whenever anybody asked - usually with their judging pants pulled right up to their armpits - when I was going to get rid of it, I'd ummm and ahhh and make some excuse as to why he still had it. 
I'd read enough about the subject to know that all the experts recommended  weaning babies off the use of a pacifier by 12 months, but the only valid reasons I could find for this age cut-off was because excessive use could impact on teeth and speech development.  Oh, and of course, they could become dependent on it. 

It was always a struggle to get Connah to sleep.  I did not do the 'cry it out' method - it's just not my thing, so he was fed, and walked, and rocked, and fed some more, and swung, and when all else failed he was driven around the block until he fell asleep, and then carefully transported into his bed, where half the time he'd wake up and we'd start all over again.  He did grow out of that, and by two he would fall asleep on his own without the drama, but he's never enjoyed going to bed, it takes him quite a while to fall asleep, and it's not uncommon for him to wake though the night even now.

The Attack, however will trot merrily off to bed, often decline a story, grab his pacifier and be asleep within ten minutes.  And, he'll generally sleep for twelve hours straight.  It's fricken amazing.

So when he was two, I decided that he could keep his pacifier until he was ready to give it up.  He only used it when he was falling asleep, so it wasn't doing any damage to his speech development or teeth, and the dependency was only ever going to be an issue if I removed it from his unwilling little grasp, which I now had no intention of doing - he would stop when he no longer needed it.  Which, with him being an unreasonable pre-schooler, I expected to be at least a few years.

So imagine my surprise when a week ago, he presented me with his pacifier (that he had bitten a hole in during the night) and told me that we should throw it away.  When I said that it was the last one we had at home, he explained that it didn't matter, he didn't need one anymore because he was big. 

Alright then.

The last seven nights have been very similar to how he's always been, minus the pacifier:  Trot merrily to bed, decline story, fall asleep within ten minutes.  He hasn't even mentioned it.

So this is me officially advocating pacifiers.  And since I am such an expert because I have done it once, here are the rules:

#1:   Only use a pacifier when the baby / child is going to sleep.

This means no plugging them in when they're crying, whining, grumpy or you're trying to do something and they just won't shut up.  

How you deal with these moments is how you grow most as a parent - you don't want to give that up. (And if 'growing as a parent' isn't incentive enough, do it because if you don't, you'll eventually have to face a teenager who is no longer placated by a pacifier, and then you're really gonna be screwed.)

#2:  Don't constantly try to convince your child to give up their pacifier.

Don't say mean things.  Don't tell them that only babies have them / they are too big for one, ect.  Not only is it completely counterproductive because it makes them feel insecure, therefore they cling to the thing that makes them feel secure - their pacifier - it also makes them feel guilty for absolutely no good reason.  Do you know what guilt does to young impressionable minds?  DO YOU?!?!  I feel a serial killer rant coming on, which is completely unfounded, but still possible, so we'll just go with "bad".  Bad things happen when guilt gets into young impressionable minds.

#3:  Own your decision.

If your child is happy, and you are happy, stop stressing and rock it.

#4:  Learn to cope with other peoples disapproval.
Don't try to justify your parenting decisions to people who obviously don't get it.
Instead, think up fun things to say to mess with them.  

When a well-meaning person says to you "he's a bit old for that, don't you think?" shrug and reply "yeah, but he says it goes really well with his whiskey, so what are you gonna do?"

Another option is to grab the pacifier, jam it in their mouth and say "Hmmmm, it still fits you, so I think we're good for a few more years."  (Then you would of course throw that pacifier away because you don''t want your child to catch judging cooties.)

That's it.  After three and a half years of pacifier use, that's all I've got.  

I can offer no proven advice on what to do if your child decides to give up their pacifier, and then throws an epic fit the following night because they want it back, although I would suggest that it could be an opportunity to teach them about following through with their decisions.  You may need to use a drawing.  And possibly a globe. 

Yeah, ummm, good luck with that.

xox