Breaking through...

What is the answer to a child's extremely withdrawn and shy personality in public?

Is it exposure? If he's exposed enough, he will eventually get used to it, right?

Is it confidence? That if you can build up his confidence enough in private, that will give him confidence in public?

How about reason? If you can help him gain insight into why he feels so uncertain, he will be able to overcome it....

No. The answer my friends, is a magical Spiderman suit.

We got Connah a spiderman suit for Christmas. It cost nine dollars. He wore it once.

He then re-discovered it in his draw three weeks ago, and has not worn regular clothes since.

I first realized that it was a magic suit on the Monday night after he started wearing it. I was putting him to bed, and he asked, just like every other night: "What kind of day is after this sleep?" (There are three kinds: gran days, kindy days, and home days.)
"It's a kindy day tomorrow." I replied, bracing myself for his quiet "but I don't like to go there...." and the slide into the withdrawn shell he becomes.

Instead, he said: "I'm gonna wear my spiderman suit tomorrow, the kids will be soooo surprised to see my spiderman suit!"

Hmmm, that's new....

The next day, he went to Childcare in his suit. He did not cling to my hand. He did not cry when I left. He waved goodbye at the fence, and was off running before I even pulled out of the parking lot.

Magic.

I have read studies and reports on the psychological effects of wearing a costume, so I'm familiar with the concepts of gaining confidence and social skills through the wearing of one, but I have never seen it demonstrated this dramatically - It was as if he was very ready to take that step, he just needed a catalyst.

We now have two suits - a red and a black. I got the second because it was becoming quite a struggle to get the damn thing washed and dried every night so it could be worn again the next day.
Fail.
I now have two suits to wash and dry every night, because sometimes you NEED to be red spiderman, sometimes you NEED to be black spiderman, and most days you NEED to switch halfway through.

Have I taken the easy way out here? Probably. But, after almost six months of feeling like my guts is getting ripped out twice a week, I finally feel like we're making progress. The spiderman suit can stay. Best nine dollars I ever spent.

My theory is, that he will eventually feel comfortable without it. That the skills he is now learning will become part of who he is, so that when he moves on to the next phase, he will take them with him.

The other option is that he wears a spiderman suit for the rest of his life. Lets not go there unless we have to.


xox