Party Time...

The Attack is turning 3. We didn't even attempt to have a party for him last year, as he was bang smack in the middle of what could politely be described as a "difficult phase". (Not particularly difficult for me, just for every other living creature on the face of the planet.) Jamming him in a room with 40 people all trying to talk and grin at him would have probably made his head explode.

With that being said, I still felt as though I had to make up for not throwing him a party last year, so decided to do a themed one this time.

This decision has become the bane of my existence for the past month.

Planning parties take up time. (I know, who would have thought?) I don't really have a lot of spare time, and when I get some, I like to use it for very important things, like thinking up extravagant unicorn scenarios to use in my next facebook post. But I was committed - birthdays are important, and celebrating the date of birth of one of the most important people in my world had to take precedence over unicorns.

First, the theme itself. What is Ash into? What does he like? What does he enjoy doing? Ummm, cars, cars, and playing with cars.

OK, "cars" is the theme. Do you know how hard it is to get anything car related without Lightning McQueens ridiculous grinning face all over it? It turns out: Very.

The Attack also very much likes small creatures, especially birds, so I got some chicken and quail eggs (thank-you trade me) and set them in the incubator so that they were due to hatch the day of the party. (Yeah, didn't really think that one through did I? Hindsight is a great thing...)

Invitations, party tableware, 200 balloons, flags, signs, food, a cake (thank-you mum!) party boxes, and a marquee were organized, and we were mostly good to go. But what to do with 16 children for two hours? I doubt they are going to want to stare at the 3 x 2 meter road play mat that I painstaking drew and then painted to hang on the wall. Even if it did take me three days to do.

So, things for kids to do revolving around cars? Fishing for cars? No. Pin the tail on the car? No. Musical cars? No.

Coin cars, peddle cars and an electric jeep (thank-you dad!). We got 50 billion tyres (thank-you Craig!) and built a mini race track in the back yard. FYI - tyres are dirty. And lugging around 50 billion of them gets old really fast. But everything was set up with about 6 minutes to spare before the children started to arrive.

My months worth of planning and organizing basically boiled down to a two hour play-date.

A chick and a quail hatched during the party, which was all adorable and fascinating until the chick tried to kill the quail, so an emergency chickectomy had to be preformed. We pulled him out and stuck him in the brooding box, only to discover that the heat lamp wasn't working properly, so I had to make a lightning trip to pick up another lamp before the chick froze to death. Moral of the story: Don't time your hatch for a day when you are hosting a birthday party. This can cause death.

It rained. Now, normally I'm all for rain. It should rain every day - pouring rain, thunder and lightning, hail, bring it on. Just not on the day that I have 40 people over to play in the back-yard.

Fortunately, kids don't care if they get rained on, so while all the adults stayed huddled in the garage, the kids played outside and got absolutely drenched. I'm expecting thank-you notes any day from all the parents who's children got hypothermia.

It has been pretty full-on, and I've had a few people comment on how Ash probably won't remember it, so I should wait until he's older to do stuff like this. That bugs me, so I need to explain.

Ash may remember, or he may not. That's kinda irrelevant. I am trying to create magical childhoods for my boys, and that means cramming as much fun and joy and possibility into their teny little selves as I can. And that is sometimes hard. And exhausting. And it is every day since the day they were born.

If they remember, great, if they don't then that's great too, because I know that it's all still there helping to make them into the awesome people that they will become.

Ash had a fun, exciting day, and that was the whole point.

Connah, however, also had a fun, exciting day, so much so that he has requested a dinosaur themed party for his birthday in a months time.

So it begins again. If anyone can help out with a giant dinosaur nest, or have any spare prehistoric bones lying around looking for a home, let me know.

xox

The Cotton Wool Club...

So, it's rant time again. Hold on tight, cause this might get offensive. In fact, if you're the type of person to get easily offended by other peoples opinions, you might just want to move along right about now........ We good? OK, let's go:

*This rant was sponsored by all the people who have implied that I am paranoid and / or that I wrap my children in cotton wool - without you, this never would have been possible.*


"My curfew was the street lights, I played outside with friends all day long, not online. If I didn't eat what my mum made me, then I didn't eat. Hand sanitizer didn't exist, but you could get your mouth washed out with soap. I rode a bike with no helmet, and the neighbors pool had no fence around it. And I survived. Re-post if you appreciate the way you were raised."

I have seen this quote in various forms splattered all over the internet in the last month, and every time I read it, it creates this visceral response:

Seriously? SERIOUSLY!? You survived? Well how fantastic for you. Want to know a secret?

Thousands didn't.

Children have very little fear. It is our job to protect them. It was not great parenting that allowed the authors of those posts to grow old enough to appreciate the way they were raised, it was luck.

Pools are now fenced because children died. Bike helmets are worn because children died. Supervision is required because children were abducted. These risks are admittedly quite small, and if you wish to take them with your children, then that is your choice, but it is callous to belittle or patronize those who are not willing to take those chances.

Car seats for babies and children were not mandatory until the mid '80's. Most people my age were either on an adults lap as babies, or roaming around the car as toddlers. We know how dangerous that is now. We learned, and we adapted. These changes have saved lives. How is that a bad thing?

Our society seems to believe that "wrapping children in cotton wool" is one of the worst thing a parent can do - kids need to be resilient, they need to "harden up" and apparently the only way to achieve that by exposing them to unsafe and / or emotionally upsetting situations.
Allowing children to be physically unsafe is only ever worth it if nothing happens to the child. Ask a parent who has lost a child in a car accident if they plan on using safety restraints with any future children, and I doubt the answer will be no.
Continuing to force a child into situations where they are clearly uncomfortable or afraid does "harden them up", but it does so by brutalizing their sense of self to the point where they put up a wall so they don't have to feel. This eventually comes out as insecurity, jealousy, aggression and/or bullying because they have never been taught how to deal with these feelings - their only tool is defensive behavior. But don't worry, they are "hard." Awesome.

The world is a spectacular, wondrous place. It is also a dangerous place. The dangers shouldn't be the main focus, but refusing to admit that they could pose a threat to us makes them infinitely more dangerous. The more aware we are, the better we are able to protect.

One in three girls, and one in five boys, are sexually abused before they turn 18 - and this is only based on the estimated 35% of cases that are reported. If your daughter has three friends, the chances are, one of them has been abused, and who are the prime candidates for that abuse?: The father / stepfather / mothers current boyfriend, the older brother, the uncle, the neighbor. Now, keep in mind that these people do not have "Pedophile" stamped into their foreheads, so meeting them will not help - Hell, the child's mother lives with them and is usually clueless.

Do you send your daughter to her friends house for a sleepover?

I can not control everything, I know that, but if somebody dares utter the phrase: "don't worry, everything will be fine," I will throw an award-winning tantrum. It is patronizing. It completely dismisses my rational fears. It is not true. So do not tell me that everything will be O.K. Unless you are psychic

So, for all the people out there who do not consider "survival" to be the only goal of parenting, for all the people who show respect and compassion towards their children and are ridiculed for it. For wanting their children to know that love should not be dependent on performance, behavior or whimsy. Who think the phrases "it was good enough for me" and "it didn't do me any harm", are laughable, because they want so so much more for their children. And for those who are aware that sometimes, even bringing the world to it's knees to protect a child is not enough, but never use that as an excuse to stop trying. To you I say thank you. You are walking a path that is mostly unbeaten and strewn with obstacles, but you are raising magic - the children that will make this world a better place simply by existing.

And that is something to be applauded.

xox

Lest we Forget...

Connah: "Once we have grown up, we can't go back to being little again aye?"

Me: "No. Do you think you'll want to?"

Connah: "I think I'll still want to be littler sometimes."

Me: "How big do you think you'll want to go back to being?"

Connah: "Exactly how big I am now."

And that, right there, is how I know I'm doing OK.

It's easy to get caught up in the worry and stress of all the dangers out to get our children - Are they watching too much T.V? Are they eating the right kind of food? Do they play independently and / or socially enough? Are their friends a good influence? Are they going to the right school? Should they be going to school at all?! What if their teacher is on DRUGS?!? Or is a PEDOPHILE!?! What if there is a NATURAL DISASTER?! HOLY CRAP THEY ARE NEVER LEAVING THE HOUSE AGAIN!!!!!!

I don't often doubt myself, however I do have a tendency to obsess over details.

But when Connah said that, it blew right through all the stress and exposed the simple truth:

My child is happy. And he is self-aware enough to recognize that.

I am doing awesome.

xox

All the Pretty Horses...

Horses are magic. I think this is because they are closely related to the unicorn, and while they weren't blessed with being able to time travel, or sneeze rainbows, they do seem to possess the charisma of their magical cousins. Also, possibly their mind-reading abilities - when a horse is looking you in the eye, you can rest assured that it is indeed searching your soul, and if you did take that $20 from your brothers wallet, or talk smack about your best friend behind her back, you best confess your sins and repent right smartly, or the horse might just stomp you to death. Horses are good like that.

So imagine my delight when Connah announced one day that he wanted to go horse riding. He is pure of heart and intention, therefore is perfectly safe from the stomping, so I quickly went about making arrangements for him to ride and found a place that had lead ponies available for beginners.

This seemed like a good place to start. Ponies are just small horses really, so they must also be related to unicorns. We packed up the boys and set off for our pony adventure.

When we arrived, we were shown to the ponies and given a few instructions on how to lead them, and how to get them going again if they decided to stop, (to which I responded with a silent condescending snort. I mean really, if they stop I'll just beam my wishes directly into their magical brains. It's not rocket science people.) and with that, our instructors pointed us in the general direction of the "beginners trail" and galloped off into the sunset.

We adjusted the stirrups to ridiculously short, got Connah mounted atop a bay gelding named Elmo, and set off along the path which would lead us to the trail.

Connah took to riding well. After a few initial wobbles, which involved intense concentration and a death hold on the saddle, he learned that it was not a motorbike, and if you moved with the horse it was a lot easier and less bumpy.

So, along the path we went, occasionally sinking up to our ankles in mud, until we reached the gate that marked the start of the beginners trail. And it was here that Elmo dug his hooves in, refused to go any further, and I learned that ponies are in no way related to unicorns.

First I tried beaming the thoughts. I beamed hard, and all I got in return was a steely stare, and the definite impression that I was gonna get head-butted if I didn't get out of his face. Mortal tricks didn't work either, and after about twenty minutes of standing in a mud puddle, no closer to the elusive beginners trail than when we started, I sighed in defeat and turned him back the way we came. Surprisingly enough, he happily started down the path, so I quickly turned him back towards the gate to see if we were on a roll, but alas, he stopped again. Turn towards the path: Go. Towards the gate: Stop. Path: Go. Gate: Stop.

This was when I realized that he was happy going down the path, because that would lead him back to where he gets tied up. So he can just stand there. Like a lump.

Now, I'm not a fan of stubbornness, but I can understand it. Laziness however, is just not something I tolerate well. My own stubbornness kicked in and thus sparked an hour long struggle between Elmo and I each trying to force the other to go where we wanted. This involved lots of "talks" which basically consisted of me stamping my foot and saying "Seriously?!" a lot, and him jerking his head up in a ridiculously lazy attempt to rear up like a mighty stallion, except, you know - without putting in the required effort to get his feet off the ground.

Eventually we ended up back at the arena, where I tied him to his fence and left him sullenly standing in the dirt staring off into space. (How is that more fun Elmo?! How?!?!) He wouldn't even look at me by this stage, and I kinda got the impression that he felt violated by the whole experience.

So, the pony adventure did not go precisely the way I had planned, but it was still an adventure. Connah had a fantastic time, he didn't seem to mind that we were mostly going in circles, and I gained a valuable piece of knowledge: Ponies are most definitely not related to unicorns - they are related to sloths. And ink stains.



xox

Dinosaur king...

Connah usually has an obsession. I'm pretty sure he was born with the tendency to obsess, but it didn't became noticeable until he was around 10 or 11 months old. His third word (about six months before "mama" or "dada") was "Digger".

Digger.

This sparked a year long fixation which included stopping the car every time we saw a excavator working on the side of the road, digger toys/books/clothing, buying eleventy billion bags of flour a week because diggers working in "snow" were way better than diggers working in dirt, the beginning of his you-tube fascination, and sleeping with a little die-cast digger in each hand every night.

Next came trains. We became very familiar with the local train station, and our house resembled one of those train convention shows for about eight months.

A variety of interests followed: Hot air balloons, Spiderman, Motorbikes, but none of them developed into a full-blown obsession.

Until, at three and a half years old, he discovered dinosaurs.

I am writing about this now, because I feel like this dinosaur phase is coming to an end, and I need to remember it. Because it was an awesome one.

Connah devoured all the information I could provide him on the subject within about six minutes, so we have been learning together this time.
By the time he was four he could recognize and pronounce all the commonly documented dinosaurs. His attention to detail means he can easily identify the similar looking dinosaurs from each other.

Have you ever had this conversation with your four year old?:

Me: "Connah, check out this Triceratops!"
Connah: "No, that's not a Triceratops, it has horns on it's neck frill, and it's nose horn is longer than it's head horns - it's a Styracosaurus."

I have that conversation in varying forms every day.

His favorites have included Velociraptor, Pachycephalosaurus, Spinosaurus, Allosaurus, and of course, Tyrannosaurus Rex.
He is able to distinguish the carnivores from the herbivorous and the omnivores. He can tell you the difference between a palaeontologist and an archaeoliogist. And he will patiently and repeatedly tell his father to stop referring to Pteranodon as a dinosaur, as because it is a flying creature, it is not technically considered a dinosaur - it is a Pterosaur.

It's pretty fricken cool.

Unfortunately, he refuses to be a show pony, so I have no video evidence, you just have to take my word for it. My child is a genius.

Yes, yes I know all parents think that about their children, but in this case it's actually true. No, seriously, it is! - He's better with numbers than a lot of adults I know, and his reasoning skills are fairly epic. If you can just discount the fact that watching him try to do a puzzle is like watching a unicorn try to use a knife and fork, the genius theory is totally sound. (And really, puzzles were only created to make people feel like idiots anyway, so I'm completely down with destroying them all and pretending they never existed.)

And I'm starting to flail about off-topic, so I'll just end this here by hitting the high points: My child is a genius. Puzzles should never have been born. Dinosaurs rule. Feel free to tell your friends.

xox

Serendipity...

Connah: "What's a wife?"

Me: "Well, when you get big, you might find a girl who's so awesome that you want to live with her for your whole life, and if you marry her, then she would be your wife. Do you know those pictures on the wall at home of mummy and daddy at Taitua before you were born? That's when we got married, which is where we told everybody that we chose to spend our lives with each other. After that day, I was his wife."

Connah: "And Daddy found you? Out of the whole world?"

Me: "Yes"

Connah: "And he didn't want to find anyone else after that, aye?"

Me: "No"

Connah: "Hmmm..... That's so lucky, that he found you then, so you can be his wife, and our mummy."

Me: "Yes Connah, that was so very lucky."

xox

The Space Between...

I know that we are not supposed to compare our children to one another. It is bad. It will lead to all sorts of super-evil stuff like sibling rivalry, jealousy and issues with inferiority and self worth.

I'm pretty sure most parents do it all the time. I secretly compare my children at least once a day. I love the differences, and the best way I've found to highlight their individuality is to compare them to the only other child I know well enough to comment on - their sibling.

Connah is my oldest child. He introduced me to the world of parenting, and everything he experienced was new and exciting.
He is thoughtful, intense, and introverted. He likes details, and once interested in a subject, will seek out relevant information with a single minded ferocity which borders on obsession.

Ashden is my youngest child, so everything he experiences is my last chance to do so too.
He is exuberant, astute, and extroverted. He demands attention and participation when preforming an activity, and gets quite upset if things don't go the way he plans. He is sensitive to external disturbances, especially loud noises. And he loves to make people laugh.

Connah glows.

Ashden sparkles.

They do share some similarities which are celebrated alongside the differences: They are both insightful. They both have elephant memories. Their eyes are the exact same shade of blue - the same shade as their father. They both stick their tongue out when they're concentrating really hard. They can both throw an award-winning tantrum when properly provoked.

They are both vital to my world.

But it's their differences that I find fascinating. They are miles apart in personality, and it sometimes feels as though I'm raising two totally different species of mammals - the learning curve was pretty fricken steep with Connah, and it ended up not helping much at all with Ashden as they respond so differently to the same information. But I could never wish that one was more like the other, because that would make him less than exactly who he is. Exactly who he's supposed to be.

So I will continue to compare them, because they are growing up so very fast - changing daily - and it's my way of stopping and looking at what's really there, instead of assuming it's the same as what was there yesterday. All too soon I will be watching them forge there own paths, separate from my own, and that will be celebrated too.

But for now, I exist somewhere in the space between them, in the wake of the glow, with the light of the sparkle shining in the distance, and there is really no better place to be.

xox