A while ago, Connah started saying things that made very little sense. He has always come out with things that don't make much sense, but if you pay enough attention, and dig deep enough, you can usually figure out where it's come from.
This was different. Example:
Connah: *Stares accusingly at me* "You forgot!"
Me: "What did I forget?"
Connah: "You said I could have another hold before Ashden went to grans house, and I didn't!" *Glares with a look of utter betrayal.*
Me: "A hold of what Connah?"
Connah: "The baby sea lion!"
Umm ok.
Me: "Connah, we don't have a baby sea lion."
Connah: "Not anymore, you had to take it back to the store so it could have a play with that robot thingy!"
Holy crap, what just happened?
Oh, he had a dream. Well, awesome. Anyone ever tried to convince a four year old that their dreams aren't real?
Me: "Connah, you must have had a dream about it while you were sleeping."
Connah: "No I didn't."
Me: "Yeah, I'm pretty sure you did. That's when you just think stuff in your head that's not really happening in real life."
Connah: "No! I didn't! I saw that sea lion! I saw it really good! It was brown like Koko!"
Me: "Yes, you can see stuff in your dreams, but it still didn't happen in real life."
Connah: "Is that real?" *Points at train track on the floor*
Me: "Yes."
Connah: "Well I can see that just like that baby sea lion!"
A little help here, anyone?
We talked about it for a couple of weeks, and he now seems to understand the basics of dreaming, he knows they happen when you're asleep, and that your body doesn't go anywhere, and it all goes on in your head, but I'm pretty sure he still doesn't really believe me when I tell him they aren't real.
Now the conversations go like this:
Connah: "I want a remote control Pachycephalosaurus, that is red and growls and is bigger than me, and eats stuff when I feed him."
(Note: Pachycephalosaurus - pronounced: Pack-e-seff-o-la-saw-rus, (Connah learned to pronounce this well before me, thank you very much you-tube.) is a herbivorous dinosaur of the late Cretaceous period. It has a very thick bone on top of it's head which it used to head butt other dinosaurs. I only know this because Connah is going through a dinosaur phase, and if I wish to converse with him at the moment, I had better damn well be able to talk about dinosaurs.
Me: "Connah, I don't think such a thing exists."
Connah: "Yes it does. I had a dream about it."
Or:
Connah: "Can I have icecream for dinner?"
Me: "No."
Connah: "But in my dream you said I could!"
So, my problem is this: He thinks I'm lying to him. It is completely irrelevant that I'm actually not, he believes that I am.
Are all the benefits of my being completely honest with him for four years going to be undermined by dreams? I mean, eventually he's going to realize what's really going on and it wont be an issue anymore, but by then niggling little insecurities and doubts could have wormed their way into his impressionable little brain and started a chain reaction that will inevitably lead to Armageddon. Super.
Ok, maybe not Armageddon, but this is a bit of a slap in the face - a reminder that I have very little influence over how his brain processes the information given to it. Not just with the dreaming, with everything. All I can do is feed in as much goodness as possible, and hope.
I don't much care for hope. It's unsubstantiated comfort, and faith that everything will turn out as planned - which is very nice, and maybe even necessary for our humanity, but it's also a deep dark pit of helplessness, because there are no steps to take to ensure our outcome. No formula to follow to achieve our goals.
There is only...... Hope.
Hope.
It will have to be enough.
xox
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