I use this blog as my sounding board. I'll talk to people when I want feedback, or opinions, but I've discovered that in writing things out, I get a much better understanding of what I actually want and think.
It's also great for explaining my actions to anyone who cares to understand them:
I hate disappointing the boys. I will do just about anything to avoid it. This is kind of an add-on to the "no lying" thing. If I say something is going to happen, it is damn well going to happen. (We have had several trips to the zoo in the pouring down rain because of this "rule".... I don't think Mark likes it very much....)
This is all fine when I'm in control of the situation, but sometimes I'm not. Others do not share my obsessive need to follow through.
And why should they? These are not their children, and if something comes up, or circumstances change, they should be able to adjust their plans accordingly. But I don't have to like it. (And I just want to take this opportunity to thank everyone in my "first circle" for busting your asses trying not to break plans when you make them with us.... even if it's only 'cause you know I'll throw my toys if you do :)
I try not to tell the boys that something is going to happen until it's pretty much set in stone, to avoid things falling through. They still do of course, but not often.
I have been criticized for this. People have told me that I am not preparing my children for the "real world", where disappointments are a regular part of life.
And while I understand this point of view, I do not agree with it.
Yes, disappointment can be a part of life, but should we expect it?
No.
I want the boys to have high expectations, of themselves and of others. I want them to aspire to greatness, and not to just accept it when life (or people) throw crap at them.
You work through the crap to get the result you want.
You don't keep people that are constantly disappointing you in your life.
You follow through once you have committed to something.
These are important traits to me.
I am their main example of what a person is capable of, and if I do everything in my power to make something happen simply because I have said it will, it will teach them that once you have given your word, you honor it.
Even if it gets a little bit hard? - The car has a flat tyre, and our friends said they don't want to go anymore. Oh look, now it's raining. Really hard.
Yes, damn it! ESPECIALLY when it gets a bit hard! Fix the car, or use a taxi/bus/train/boat. Go by yourselves, or find more friends. Get a coat.
Does all this following through mean it will automatically produce the desired results?
No, this has a flip side just like everything else. I can't control how the boys are going to absorb the information. I could just be setting them up to be disappointed in the world...
So should I not try? Of course I should, this is the way my logic and intuition are telling me to go. Logic states that the potential results outweigh the possible risks, and intuition says that the information will processed the way I intend it.
Lead by example
Expect the impossible.
"Be the change you want to see in the world."
And so I shall.
xox
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